I’m writing to all of you out there who are sorrowing the loss of a loved one. The loss might be your child, a parent, a spouse, a sibling, or a friend. These losses are incredibly hard. I was sorting through my bookshelves and found a book I hadn’t looked at for nearly six years, called Reflections of a Grieving Spouse by H. Norman Wright. I was grieving the loss of my second husband. In the book, I was to describe my grief during the first month. Here’s what I wrote:

Intense pain and disbelief. When Blair was stricken suddenly, I was in shock. He was alive for two more days, but really dead—brain dead that is. I cried so much I lost five pounds. Five pounds of tears.

That was a description of the first three days. Then I described how my grief was at the present time—after a month:

It seems as though it’s becoming more intense again. I realize I am “waking up” and slam, bang here it is. It is wretched! I hurt so badly…..

Now I can look back and realize how much I’ve healed from the terrible grief, but there I was raw with grief. I’d said good-bye to two husbands. I was reeling with the sorrow, yet I cannot remember except by reading my own words how devastated I was. And how much God has healed my loss and grief. During those sad days, people sent me words of comfort and one card had this saying on it:

cThat statement is true, dear friend who might be in the early stages of grief. The terrible times will ease. Your sorrow does abate. It doesn’t fully leave you, but that terrible grip of the sorrow begins to fade. It takes time, yes. But more than time, it takes work. What work? I could give you lots of suggestions but today, I’ll give you one: lean into the grief and lean into God. As the ocean waves come toward you, don’t run away from them, but face the wave of loss. And as you’re facing the loss, ask Jesus Christ to face it with you. He promises to do that. And if you face your grief—accept the fact that your loved one is gone, you’ll move forward on the road of grief. Not instantly—which is what we’d like to experience, but gradually, so we can heal—just like a broken bone takes time to heal. I can’t say it better than the Bible does:

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Matthew 5:4

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
Psalm 62:5-6

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18

Grab onto those words just like I did. He promises to be with you. And he will be.

For months after both of my husbands died, I went to a grief class called GriefShare (see www.griefshare.org for a group near you). I went through the thirteen weeks of classes. And then attended them again. With each session, I began to recover from my grief as I walked the road. It wasn’t easy. Not at all. But gradually as I worked through my grief and leaned into Jesus, He began to heal my broken heart. There are scars that remain—and they give me sensitivity to others who have experienced loss. There are many since I began to be a facilitator in these grief classes, here’s one young woman’s story—with her permission—

Very suddenly, one Sunday morning, while returning from an errand to the store, Jamie’s mother, Coleen, said she didn’t feel well and collapsed as she was getting out of the car. Jamie watched helplessly and did everything she could do for her mom (she had nursing skills), called the paramedics who tried to help, but her mother, was gone. Imagine the disbelief and sorrow overcoming that young woman—girl really—for it was her mother she’d lost. One moment the two were discussing that Coleen wasn’t feeling well. To death.

I was honored to be the facilitator for the grief group Jamie attended weeks after her mother died. I watched her struggle in grief and work through the terrible pain and loss. She had many comforters—four aunts–her mother’s sisters, her dad, and friends, but she said it was  God—the healer of broken hearts who helped her the most, for he understood her profound loss. A few weeks ago, she posted something on Facebook and she gave me permission to share it:

For months I struggled with having flashbacks of the day mom passed away. It felt like every time I went to sleep that traumatic morning played in my head over and over. I would wake up in a panic, tears running down my face heart beating fast..
.I didn’t like remembering mom that way…
Well tonight I woke up with tears in my eyes but it wasn’t from the flashback…
I remember just staring at mom I could see her so clearly…Those hazel eyes looking back at me…Then I went up and hugged her… I could smell her sweet pea scent and as I touched her soft cheek… She smiled a big smile…
I literally thought like she was right there in front of me and I could actually feel her hugging me…
I woke up to many sweet memories running through my head…I could almost hear her incredible laugh that I miss so much.
Always in our hearts
Love you CM

My hope is that our stories will give you hope if you’re walking the road of grief. Please know you’re not alone. Memorize those words from the Bible, and ask God to comfort you. He’ll help you move through incredible loss, to sweet memories. He did it for Jamie and he did it for me. He’ll do it for you, too.