Vows Are Costly

Fifty one years ago, I said these words:

I, Shirley, take you Bill, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.

Interesting, the vows begin with “to have and to hold from this day forward.” If a couple knew what the future would be, they might hold on a little tighter.

Then come the words, “for better or for worse.” We quickly learned about those words. There was more of the “worse” than the “better” in the early years, but we learned how to experience the “better” after a time. Sometimes we aren’t honest about our relationships. Was our marriage the only one with struggles? I don’t think so–not if you look at the divorce rate. Our marriage had a lot of ups and downs in the first twenty years. I think all marriages have difficulty at times, we just don’t talk about them. Maybe it would help other couples if they knew those times are fairly normal, and then get the tools to make them less.

“For richer, for poorer.” We had no idea really what those words meant. We weren’t rich ever–but in those early days, we had little money. We were students and just starting out. Our rent was $65.00, our grocery budget, $8.00! We managed. Often there were only a few coins left by the end of the week, but we made it.

The next phrase,”in sickness and in health” was hard to imagine at age nineteen and twenty-one, but that issue came about ten years after we married. Little Carrie Lynn was stillborn. That rocked our souls. Good health continued until the beginning of our forty-first year of marriage. After a joyous forty-year celebration, Bill became very ill. During those hard, hard days, we learned how much we loved each other and the “worse” times faded in our memories. Those days of illness drew us closer. We learned the “to love and to cherish” fully by then.

The last phrase is what every couple avoids thinking about “until death do us part.” That won’t happen to us, we think. But it does.

I’m so glad that at the young age of nineteen, I didn’t fully realize the cost of those vows.cI thank God for His loving presence in the better or worse, richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; until death do us part. I’m reminded of one of my favorite Bible passages that helped me during those worse, rich or poor, sickness, and death:

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword…..For I am convinced that neither death nor life,neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:35,38,39

He was there with Bill and I during all of those times, and later when I was alone. He’ll be there for you, too.