Marriage is a Beautiful Thing, Part 2

This is a continued blog, so you might want to go read what I read last week. Here’s the link after you read the final two of the four things I wished I’d know when I got married. I’ll quickly give you the first two: 1. It is normal to grieve–you are leaving one life, to enter another with your husband. 2. Communication is extremely important.

Now we get to the third “pearl” I wished I’d known:

Three:

Respect. Ephesians talks about family relationships. Husbands, wives, parents, children. Often in counseling—especially Christian counseling—wives are reminded to submit to their husbands. ( Ephesians 5:21-22) Husbands are reminded to love their wives. But often one of the most important things a wife can do is respect her husband. It’s an unconditional command. Once I heard a marriage counselor give the example of an officer and a recruit in the military. The officer doesn’t care if enlisted men or women “love” them, they just want their respect. Husbands have that same desire: respect from their wives. Sometimes they don’t even know that’s what it is they want, but they do. Don’t treat your husband like a child. Don’t divulge his deepest secrets he shared with you with your girlfriends when you chat about your lives with them. Keep it confidential. Don’t demean him in public. Give him respect. (Ephesians 5:33) So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Bill (my first late husband) and I learned—and then later with Blair and now Jim, to communicate that. Sometimes I’d say or do something disrespectful and my husband would say, “I don’t feel respected”. I have to then think about it, and realize he was right. Even if I didn’t mean to do or say something to disrespect him. He felt disrespected. Of course, the husband has to do his part—that’s to love his wife—as Christ loved the church. That means enough to give his life up for her. If he loves her, she respects him, their marriage will be harmonious. I found respecting my husband was a very important thing I could do in my marriage. And even now, after fifty total years of marriage, 40 years with my first, just under 2 years with my second, and now eight with Jim, I have to be aware of my being respectful.

Four:

Pray together.

Not just at meals. Not in emergencies. Not just in church or prayer circles, but everyday. Set aside a certain time. It can be in the morning or before bedtime. Pray out loud. Write down your requests. Hold hands while you pray. We heard on Focus on the Family (Groeschel, Craig & Amy. From This Day Forward, Zondervan, 2014) reported that statistically, couples who pray together daily, have a 99% better chance of staying married if they pray together daily. 99%.

Here are a few tips from my book for those of you who aren’t comfortable praying out loud with your husband–or anyone for that matter.

From Second Chance at Love:

If at first you are not comfortable praying aloud in front of someone, we recommend you sit together, hold hands, bow your heads and close your eyes and pray silently for a minute or two. When you feel comfortable doing that, start saying one sentence out loud, if only nothing more than, “Thank-you for this day, dear Lord.” The more you do it, the easier it becomes.

Some people are afraid to pray together because they think they’re not spiritual enough. Simple prayers are fine. Certainly with God. We know praying together creates intimacy—spiritual intimacy. It naturally overflows to other aspects of your married life. Emotionally and physically.

Most likely you will begin to pray about other things. It is a wonderful, mystical moment in joining together with the Creator of the world and asking for his blessing on your day. On your family. On your marriage. On your world.

I think I would say to you–if you are getting married soon in the waning days of “wedding month” the fourth pearl of wisdom–praying together–is the most sound and from an eternal perspective the most important.

Sarah and Russell Fox

My granddaughter Sarah has been married now for two weeks. She’s still a bride. You may not be a bride any longer, but it’s never too late to incorporate these tips in your marriage. And if you’re the groom, or husband, you can incorporate these tips, too.

One last time, here are the “pearls of wisdom”:

It’s normal and OK that right after your marriage ceremony and entering marriage, there’s some grief. You are leaving one life for another.
Communicate. Develop the skill of listening.
Respect. I recommend you read the full chapter five in the book of Ephesians in the New Testament.
Pray together. Not just at meals. Not in emergencies. Not just in church or prayer circles, but everyday.

Marriage is a beautiful thing. I’ve been blessed in my life with three husbands who loved me–and I know each of them would give their life for me.