Grief is the Price of Love

We’re writing a book about second marriages, and it is getting closer to being done. However, with my editor/coach reminding me, there’s always more I can pull out from my experiences in grief, loss, and life!

Grief is Not Linear

Grief doesn’t come in a neat, concise package where the process is “one, two, three” and you’re done. No. You might move forward for awhile. Then backwards. Here’s an excerpt from that portion of the chapter titled, “Grief is Life!

A snippet from a chapter:

Grief is not linear.

It isn’t likely you will take “X” amount of steps and your grief is complete. There is an ebb and flow to grief and sadness, and it doesn’t flow precisely from one stage to the next. Jim remembers an invasion of sadness while teaching his business class…..

“How do you balance career and home life,” a female student asked. I thought about her question, and began to answer but I was distracted by something else. Her voice sounds just like Kathy’s! I tried to focus back on the question, but I couldn’t. I had a huge lump in my throat that wouldn’t go away. Tears formed in my eyes and I attempted to speak.

I took a deep breath and said, “Let’s take a short break and we’ll talk about it when you come back.”

I had been ambushed by grief. After the break, I was able to compose myself and continue the class, but I’ll never forget the helpless feelings of grief that overwhelmed me at that moment.

There are other things that might trigger grief when you think you’re doing fine. Walking through the grocery store and seeing your person’s favorite brand of tea. You realize you don’t need to buy it anymore. Shirley remembers a scene in her home one summer afternoon…

I came into the house from the bright sunshine. My eyes were adjusting to the dimness in the cool house when I glanced up—and there in the dining room stood Blair. He was his neat self, in his short sleeved shirt. You didn’t die! I thought. Oh, I missed you so much. But then, reality struck. I blinked and he was gone……

You will have interruptions of great sadness, but more and more, you will remember with joy what you had. Grief is the price of love.

Yesterday was a day of remembering. It was nine years ago Blair slipped from earth to heaven January 31, 2010. That day, nine years ago was one of the hardest of my life, but I’ve moved through the grief to the other side and instead of the great sorrow I experienced nearly a decade ago, are now precious memories. There were no tears this time when I remembered. Instead I had joy that he was in my life if only briefly.

A psalm I learned at age four stays with me….

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever. Psalm 23.