Soon it will be winter, but that isn’t what I’m talking about. I’m thinking about a new season of holidays–by yourself! Forgive me if you are with the one you love, and your loved ones will be joining with you this Thanksgiving, Christmas, or New Year’s Day. But some of you are beginning a new season of experiencing holidays alone for the first time. You don’t know what to expect and are dreading what might be.

The poet Edna St. Vincent Millay said: The presence of absence is everywhere. 

Absence. I remember the quietness. The silence when you’re the only living being in the house.

It seemed almost rude when after grieving the loss of my first husband, I met and married a wonderful man the second time, and then he, too, died very suddenly. And the presence of absence seemed even louder. Both of my spouses made their entrance into eternity early in the year so the absence wasn’t as new as it might be for some of you. I was still entering the holiday season alone, though.

My grandchildren were young then, and I wanted to make a semblance of Christmas at my house when they visited, so I searched for a tree at the local tree farm with the Vancouver grands. They helped me choose the right one and  helped me decorate it. Then I was done. I recall one of them say, “But Grammie, there are boxes and boxes of things to put out.”

I told her, “Next year, when I don’t feel so sad we’ll get them out.” She seemed satisfied with that.

If your loved one is here on earth, you might not understand, but my words might help you understand someone near you who has had to say goodbye to their loved one. It might be a spouse, a child, a parent, dear friend. Fill in the blank. There are some of you who might feel very alone in spite of someone there with you. There are you who are grieving the loss of a relationship. You don’t know why you’re estranged from your loved one, but there it is.

When each of my husbands died, my mother said, “Be strong, you can make it.” I didn’t feel strong, though, and I resented her saying that to me, though she meant well. I learned sometimes it’s OK to be weak. I like what the Psalms say about weakness and strength:

My mind and my body may grow weak,

but God is my strength;

he is all I ever need. (Psalm 73:26)

I found those words to be true. I learned just because I didn’t always feel God’s presence, didn’t mean He wasn’t there.

For those of you grieving a loss today and are dreading the new season, take to heart the above Scripture. I encourage you to read–even when you don’t feel like it–a Psalm. There are many laments and during your time of grieving, you need that. There are also psalms of encouragement like the one above.

If you aren’t grieving a loss, perhaps you can encourage someone who is, by inviting them for a bite to eat so they aren’t alone–a welcome change. Or drop by for a visit on a lonely, quiet evening. Invite them to attend church with you–and pick them up so they don’t have to walk into the building by themselves.

As we are in the autumn, where many plants are withering and getting ready for hibernation, remember those who are dreading the new season. I like what James E. Miller said:

The more you can accept your feelings for what they are, the more you express them to others, the better off you’ll be, both today and tomorrow.

Take the first step. Accept your feelings for what they are……