A tan plate with intricate designs painted in a contrasting black. A yellow wooden sea bird.

Then I pulled out a huge jar filled with sea shells. “Where’d ya get all of those shells?” Jim asked me.

Every season, I change the decor in my home. I began doing this after hearing a presentation about packing away your treasures for each season. It struck a chord in me and after a lot of sorting and determining which item belonged in which season, I packed away boxes labeled Fall, Winter, Spring, Summer. Each season I pull things out, delighted with them again, nearly forgetting I had some of them.

It’s summer now—not officially—but we’ve had a day warmer than seventy degrees so I say we’re in summer.

Together we remembered that pottery plate with intricate designs someone in Avanos, Turkey painstakingly painted. We recalled the little shop where we found it when we visited that country last year.

I looked at the sea birds, perched on their wooden platform on the mantel. I’d gotten those at a store in a close out sale of summer items. Then I pulled out the shells. Dozens of them filled a jar.

I told Jim about the trip my second husband Blair and I took to South Africa, where we drove up the Garden Route on the east side of the country along the Indian Ocean. We stayed for about a week with family members and two different B & B’s in the vicinity. One of the beaches we visited was called “Kaiser’s Beach.” The beach was filled with shells. I couldn’t get over how many. We filled bags with the shells and when we came home to Vancouver, we let the four oldest grandchildren pick out some shells they’d like to keep. The rest I put in a jar.

Shell filled Kaiser’s Beach, South Africa

This year as I looked at that jar of shells, I decided to put them in a beautiful crystal bowl I had. The bowl was displayed in a cabinet and was empty. I decided I’d use that beautiful bowl two ways. To display the beautiful facets of the bowl, filled with the intricate shells from the Indian Ocean. It looks beautiful!

I began thinking about those shells and the wonderful trip Blair and I had. A safari. A road trip. Lots of new people to meet. It was a trip I’ll never forget.

I recalled something I’d learned in my grief class about loss—and memories. They told us our profound loss would one day become precious memories.

I found that to be true. It took time. It took grief work—recalling memories and writing them down. Looking at photos. Saying good-bye. It wasn’t easy. I cried buckets of tears as I reluctantly let go of what I no longer had. But I also had precious memories. The memories of Blair are not as many and sadly, beginning to fade. Yet in the seventeen months we were married, we filled the days with times of travel, conversation, and meeting new friends and family members. I don’t see many of those family members any more except one step son and his family. But I can remember.

I’m building more memories with my husband, Jim. That doesn’t take away from the former memories, just building another set of memories.

It may sound strange, but I can freely recall those memories with Jim. He recalls his memories to me, too. You see, the memories aren’t a threat to the other, but important  parts of our past.

I thought of a gospel song I sang sometimes at church—usually on a Sunday evening where more casual songs were sung. Here’s a portion of the song that seems to apply to my thoughts today:

Precious memories how they linger,
How they ever flood my soul.
In the stillness, of the midnight.
Precious sacred scenes unfold.
J.B.F. Wright, 1877-1959

I have precious memories of a lot of people who’ve been in my life. My grandparents. My parents. Friends. Two dear husbands.

I can visit graves of loved ones and not cry anymore. Not that I don’t miss them. Not that I don’t care anymore, but I’ve moved forward. I’ll never forget them, but they’re part of my past. I’m creating new memories now and will continue them until I leave this earth.

If you are alone, think about those memories. Think about the “sacred scenes” in your mind. And thank God you have those memories. You are blessed! And I am too!