A longing for family connection….

She said she had a longing for family. For the closeness of siblings. She had a brother. But she also had a sister—in heaven. Could that sister be the longing? In one of our conversations, Erika my daughter, and I were talking about family as we often do. She said she just has this “longing for family connection”. She has a family—her own. And she has extended family. Cousins, a brother. Nieces and nephews.

I have a longing too…

I have a longing, too. In June, it will be forty years since I gave birth the last time. It was the third. My baby Carrie. She had a big brother, Todd who was nine years old. She had a sister, Erika, who was nearly four. We as a family waited in expectation for the new baby. We didn’t know if she were a boy or girl. We had to wait until the day of birth for us to know. Then one day, six weeks before birth, something happened. Baby stopped moving. For one day. Then another. On the third day, I knew I needed to call the doctor. They said to come to the hospital and they conducted tests and gave me the terrible news. My baby was dead.

All of our plans were changed forever..

There would be no new baby to love and cherish. All of our plans were changed forever.  Todd would not be a big brother and Erika would never share a room with her baby sister. Yes, on the day of her birth, they told me it was a girl. The tech said “female.”

There would be three siblings…

I often wonder about how our lives would be different had Carrie lived. There would be three people who knew their father intimately. There would be three siblings to get together. There would be sister-love that didn’t happen.

That longing will disappear!

I’m so glad there’s heaven to look forward to. Erika and Todd didn’t get to know their sister Carrie here on earth, but they have eternity. Sometimes I get excited when I think about my first meeting with my baby girl. Will she be an adult, or will I finally get the opportunity to hold her as a baby and count her fingers and toes. I do know this, I’ll finally be able to look into her eyes and say, “Welcome, baby girl!” whether she’s young or old. I will hug her and hug her. I will kiss her and kiss her. At long last, I’ll get to see her. When I enter heaven—for she’s there, waiting to meet me, her mama! And that longing? That will disappear!

Though I feared, I found blessings beyond what I could imagine!