Goodness

It was April. Only days before, I was engaged to be married and one Wednesday evening, I received a phone call from my fiance, Ron (not his real name). He told me he couldn’t marry me. He didn’t love me enough. I was jilted. I was hurt. I was disappointed. And I was embarrassed! That last emotion was a sign of my humanness—and pride. Weeks passed and instead of wanting to call Ron and beg him back, I remembered that prayer I’d expressed to God on that early April morning. And I began to be grateful……

As I worked through the disappointment, I realized that a marriage with Ron would have been difficult and tumultuous at best. Though there was money lost, it was not worth the trouble we would have had.
I needed to forgive Ron—no matter what. In my head, I knew I should. After all, the Lord’s Prayer says to forgive, as we’ve been forgiven.
At first, I couldn’t. I gave it time. Then I noticed upon waking up in the morning, he was not the first thing I thought about. I attended a women’s retreat after the breakup. After a conversation, one listener said, “Sounds like you dodged a bullet.” I hadn’t thought of the breakup that way and realized she was right. I began to realize, whether he paid his part of the debt or not, I should forgive him.
We weren’t right for each other. God answered my prayer—I was just surprised by how He did. I had received an answer I did not want but I needed to trust my future to the One who was in charge of it.
I needed to forgive—whether Ron paid back the money or not. After four months, Ron did pay his half of the debt, which gave me closure and healing.
We can experience other griefs in life, such as the grief of a failed marriage. Though my first marriage remained intact, I had many regrets regarding how we had handled the earlier years. We were fortunate to have worked out those dysfunctions. Sometimes that isn’t possible. For a period of time, my sister Eileen, newly divorced, lived with me. She waited for the final decree and looked for a new place to live. She’d been married nearly forty years and tried so hard to make her marriage work. Even so, sometimes the best efforts don’t change things. As we sipped our morning coffee, she looked at me with sad eyes and often asked, “Do you think I’m doing the right thing?”
We had many conversations about her marriage. She needed to repeat her story to an understanding person. She cried buckets of tears and I cried with her. But we laughed, too—just as in the past.
Losses include ill health, the grief of an empty nest, and the grief of time slipping away. Even a beautiful scene can bring a form of grief. I don’t think anyone escapes grief during life. And that’s how life is on this earth, as Solomon said in Ecclesiastes 3:1-4.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.

Grief and forgiveness are hard work. I was ready for some fun—and maybe a little dancing, too!

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It was a release to forgive Ron. I knew I’d dodged a bullet. A few months later, Ron and I spoke on the phone. We discussed our courtship and why our marriage wouldn’t have worked. After that phone call, I knew our break-up was right and I thanked God for that wounding break-up. I forgave Ron for the emotional and financial heartbreak he caused me. I was free to love again.