“Maybe you can drop him in my lap.”

I thought back to a prayer I’d written during my mornings with God: “Lord, I’m willing to be single if that is your will for me. If there is a guy out there, would you please send one who loves you more than anything? And crazy about me?” And with a smile, I added the quip above drop him in my lap. I knew then and now, God has a sense of humor. 

I was lonely. I’d been widowed twice to two good men. I enjoyed married life a lot and was looking forward to retirement years with either of the men I believed God had brought into my life. But that didn’t happen. 

During my mourning period after my second husband died suddenly, I simply wanted to be OUT of my pain and loneliness. I thought I could distract myself by enrolling in a matching site. I’ll just look and dream, I thought.

I met with a counselor weekly to process my loss. I also enrolled in a Grief class where the facilitator directed us to go to God with our grief. To not rush the process. But I wanted out of the pain and mistakenly I thought meeting someone would relieve the loneliness and loss. It didn’t.

The relationship I thought would be permanent ended. Instead of seeking companionship with another man, I looked to God.

I discovered a verse in the Old Testament from a minor prophet, Habakkuk. It said, I will stand (emphasis mine) at my watch and station myself on the ramparts; I will look to see what he will say to me, (Habbakuk 2:1 NIV). A favorite concordance app on my phone clarifies the original Hebrew word. I looked at the verbs:

    • Stand: confirm, appoint, cease. 
    • Look: observe, wait for.
    • Say or Listen: commune, answer, teach.

Those words from the Bible remind me of what we do at a railroad crossing. Stop. Look. Listen.

Early in the  morning, I sat in my morning room set aside especially for praying and reading God’s word. He reminded me to forgive. He told me not to fear, but to trust. He told me to rest in him and wait patiently. He reminded me I was not alone. 

As I studied and prayed, I realized that previously, I was putting my hope and faith in a husband instead of God. I prayed, If you can’t change my circumstances, change my heart. I reminded myself that marriage was earthly. Relationship with Jesus, eternal. 

After seventeen months I learned to lean into my Savior.  Instead of seeking relief from my pain through a man, I began to think I might be ready to meet someone and therefore, the prayer I uttered above.

I enrolled in a matching site and two weeks later, I checked my computer for new matches. To my surprise, someone clicked they “liked” my profile. Hmmmm, as I quickly clicked onto his profile. Nice looking guy I thought as I cruised through his photos .It was what he said about his family, his faith, that was most important.

We communicated back and forth via email and then, he asked if  I’d like to meet face-to-face. Can’t hurt, I thought.

Two days later, we met for coffee and discovered we had much in common. He was widowed just as I was. We quickly traded stories and nodded in sympathy at them.

His name was Jim. We talked for hours and before parting, he asked me for another date. And then another. It wasn’t long before we both realized we were right for each other. 

One evening after a long conversation, Jim looked at me and said, “Shirley, I love you!” It didn’t surprise me and within a nanosecond, I replied,

“I love you too!” This brought more kisses, more joy. After a few moments I told Jim about the prayer. That perhaps God would “drop the right guy into my lap.” He jumped up and with a grin plopped himself onto my lap! There’s lots more to tell in the story, but what I really want you to understand is the hard lesson I learned about moving ahead of God. 

Looking back, I now realize before I could meet the right guy, I needed to heal from my hurts and not be in such a hurry to get married to someone else. I learned my relationship with God was and is most important. I’m glad that relationship didn’t work out, for Jim and I would have never met. We would have missed the great adventure we’ve been experiencing. God’s best is always spot on. 

Perhaps you’ve been waiting for something to change in your life and it isn’t happening. You would like to meet someone. Be relieved of some painful illness. You might be in a relationship or marriage that is just ho hum and you’d like some excitement—or just something different. I challenge you to look to the God who I believe smiled down at me when I asked him to “drop him into my lap”. He’s there. He loves you.