The Best

A New Heart

…The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made. ~ Robert Browning

Do you ever pray a prayer you really don’t believe God will answer? Below, is a prayer I uttered during my quiet time with God…

…And Lord, if this marriage is out of your will, you will have to end it, because I cannot.

I was engaged to someone and I wasn’t sure it was right. That prayer was answered. That same day. The guy broke up with me.

It was a stinging experience, but I remembered that earlier prayer and the answer God gave me.

I realized I hadn’t completely recovered from my grief, I was trying to take away the hurt and loneliness of grief by pursuing a relationship with another man. I wasn’t ready to date. I was still grieving. It wasn’t fair to either party. After that disaster, I decided to not pursue a new relationship, but focus on my grief and learn to live alone.

During this time, I poured through the Bible, asking God to be close to me and heal my broken heart. I traveled alone. Volunteered. Entertained in my home. Finished the book I’d been writing. Led a grief support group. Enjoyed my grandchildren who lived nearby, and traveled to those farther away.

I learned the following to be true: He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3 NIV).

About eighteen months passed after the broken engagement. I began to feel as though if I married, it would be good. But it would also be all right if I didn’t. I confess there was still an ache for that special companionship that comes with the right person. I wrote in my journal:

If this doesn’t work, Lord, I won’t do any more searching. You will just have to drop him in my lap!

That was my prayer a little over ten years ago. I finished with this, “Would you make him crazy about me–and love you more than I do?”

Amazingly, God answered that prayer! Soon, a guy named Jim gave me a call and asked to meet for coffee. With a cappuccino together, we realized how much our life paralleled each others’. It wasn’t long before we both knew we were right for each other. That happened ten years ago now.

Jim is a quality guy. The more I observe and live with him, the more I admire those qualities. He is loving and kind. He loves his family–he loves mine, too! Most of all, that last phrase of my prayer was answered, for Jim loves his Father God as much or even more than I do!

God may not answer your prayer the way he did with me, But I can tell you God does what he promises. He healed my broken heart. Not because I met another man, but because he cares about our broken hearts. Our cares and worries.

Lately, I’m focusing more on who God is. Centering my heart on God. I’m asking him to reveal my insecurities, those thoughts that are not good. To seek more intently who God is.

Jesus answered, “It is written in the Scriptures, ‘A person lives not on bread alone, but by everything God says’ Matthew 4:4 NCV).

God answered my prayer by bringing Jim into my life and it has been a tremendous gift, but I had to come to a point where if God did bring someone in my I’d be content. If he didn’t, I’d be content.

And so, we “enjoy the last of life for which the first was made.”

At our wedding, there was a theme song (“Be Thou My Vision”) woven into all what the fabulous group of musicians played that wonderful day ten-some years ago. Enjoy!