I wish I’d quickly called him back, but it was late

It was 11:19 pm. I was slipping into sleep after a bustling day, walking along the Freedom Trail in Boston. We’d been busy right up until bedtime, catching up on emails, making dinner, and doing a load of laundry in the campground laundry room. I heard the quacking sound (the tone I use for Todd’s texts to me) and knew it was a text coming in from my son. At first I ignored it and then guiltily wondered if I should investigate and I’m glad I did. It was an important one. He’d written to tell me his airplane had been totaled. I wish I’d quickly called him back, but it was late and I didn’t want to disturb my husband who was fast asleep. We texted back and forth and now I was wide awake, and explored through FaceBook. There, I saw the photos of the airplane with a his words. I’ll copy most of what he said.

It is with great sadness that I have to report that the airplane that my best friend (my dad) and I built in 2003 is destroyed. We are unhurt. The elk were killed on the spot. It is a miracle that we are fine. After touch down and during the higher speed portion of the rollout (but below flying speed) a cow elk charged out of the tree line. I went to full power and attempted to fly over her (and did) but caught her with a prop blade….I pulled the power off and re-landed quickly. Just as I got it on the ground another elk ran into my left wing. This caused a ground loop to the left, whereupon the right gear leg collapsed……..I am very sad because of the effort my dad and I put into this and it always reminded me of him and gave me extra joy knowing he was part of that bird and with me every time I used it. This summer I flew almost 100 hours in her. Bye my love. I will miss you and no other airplane will be like you….because you held the soul of my father. Thank you for all the good times we had. Here’s to my father and his memory and legacy.

Next day, there was a story about the accident. To read about it go here: http://katu.com/news/local/small-plane-crashes-into-elk-while-landing-at-airstrip-on-oregon-coast

It was not work for him, but joy.

After I read that, sleep was impossible. I lay there, so heartbroken along with my son. I remember weekend after weekend, Bill (my late husband) drove up north to help Todd with the airplane. It was not work for him, but joy. He loved his son so much and that they together were building an airplane put Bill in second heaven. Finally after more than a year’s effort, the Hot To Go took her maiden flight. Bill took a week off from work to be there and help work out any kinks there might be. At last, Bill was able to fly her too. He was thrilled and any time he had a chance to fly her, he would. At Bill’s graveside service, Todd arranged (without my knowledge) to have the Hot To Go perform a fly-over just after the service. It was a thrill to see the waggle of the wings of the airplane both father and son had worked so hard to complete.

The memories are there

I know Todd is heartbroken now, but I’m so glad he has those memories of long days and nights together with his dad, working on the airplane.

I spoke with Todd next day and am so grateful he was prepared to maneuver it so they didn’t take a full hit of the elk. They would have been killed and it would have been a different kind of phone call I’d received.

It’s true the memories can’t be taken away. Yet, it’s the physical thing that isn’t going to be there anymore.

Jim and I are in Massachusetts and yesterday, we toured Plymouth, the oldest and first settlement in New England.

It was a beautiful day, but all day long, I had a sad, heavy feeling. I was grateful Todd and his friend weren’t hurt, but I was just so sad. Please don’t misunderstand. I’m very glad no one was hurt. It’s true the memories can’t be taken away. Yet, it’s the physical thing that isn’t going to be there anymore. No more driving to the airport, waiting for that red, white, and blue airplane to come buzzing down from the sky. Thank you God, for memories of that airplane. The joys of flying in it. First with Bill, then with Todd. Thank you most of all, for protecting Todd by giving him the skills he used. I know each of us are given the amount of days to live—

Your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139:16

This was not Todd’s time.

Those feelings of loss I felt are very real and I’m learning it’s another aspect of grief. Grief is so cagey sometimes. Creeping in when we least expect it.

I wish I could wrap my arms around him right now…

Now I’m reminded of those flying days because Todd is posting photos of the Hot to Go. I wish I could wrap my arms around him right now and tell him he did it right–but in a few weeks, I will be able to. I know his father would have said, “I’m proud of you, boy. You did the perfect maneuver to avoid hitting the elk. You did it better than I would have done.”

Todd, your dad was so proud of you he busted his buttons anytime anyone asked about you. I’ll bet he knows about this incident in heaven too. Who knows, maybe he was cheering you (and coaching, too) while you were in that crisis. We’ll never know until eternity so you’ll have to take my word for it.

I’m really proud of you, too, boy. You did well!!